perf for this gloomy summer day
“This photograph is my proof. There was that afternoon, when things were still good between us, and she embraced me, and we were so happy. It did happen. She did love me. Look for yourself.”
This is my proof, Duane Michals, 1974
when you want something bad enough, you have to fight and work for it because it won’t come easy. blood, sweat and tears. i just didn’t know it would even be this exhausting and i didn’t know that i would go through this many emotions and sleepless nights. i didn’t think that i would be so hard on myself for messing things up along the way. but thats just how it is. its how you grow. its how you become a better version of yourself. its also how you find out who you truly are and what you want. although i like to think of myself as an independent person, i accept the motivation thats given to me through my friends and loved ones. i like the push that they give me to keep on going and i appreciate everything that they have to offer to help me get what i want. but i can’t help to think to myself “how do you know if want you want is right for you?” what if i’m fighting so hard for it that i become blind and lose myself along the way? what happens if i do whatever it takes and i ultimately end up not be happy in the end? how do i know if all this time, effort and sacrifice is going to be worth it? it scares me. i’m at that point in my life where i’m at a stand still. it feels like i’m just watching people go by while i just sit and watch. i know i have to make a move soon. i’m just scared i’m going to lose myself with it.
i just have to ask myself again, “is it worth it”?
What’s a human doing way up here?
nigga calm down.
Will turn into
Escaping our tired lips.
Our can I call you’s?
Will turn into
Come here and hold me’s.
I’ll scream in the middle of the night,
Will pull me close;
tell me everything’s alright
And I’ll fall asleep.
You’ll come home
And tell me we need to get groceries,
We’ll make a list, and tape it to the fridge
But tomorrow we’ll forget it there
And you’ll blame me,
And I’ll blame you
And we’ll spend a hundred because
We couldn’t remember.
And were both too damn impulsive.
You’ll understand every aspect
Of my condition
But love me all the more.
And I’ll treasure you,
Hold your hand everytime it gets bad
Knowing I am okay,
I’ll wake up in the morning,
To the smell of cooking,
I’ll come down the stairs
Of a house we call ours,
And I’ll kiss the love of my life
As well as goodnight.